UNDERSTANDING IS FIRST STEP TO SUPPORT

By Kermit Klaerner

          The following article, entitled “My Best Friend, Bob,” was written by Mike Smeets.  It is a tribute to his son, Bob, who was diagnosed with schizophrenia.  The article appears in Schizophrenia Digest, Winter 2005.  He writes:

          “When Bob was first diagnosed with schizophrenia, I had difficulty understanding the symptoms associated with his illness.

          I wanted so much to understand what Bob was going through, but the myriad of technical terms and definitions seemed to confuse more than clarify.

          What the heck is a psychotic manifestation?  A blunted effect?  And how can any symptom of this damned illness be positive?  Bob’s paranoia was palpable and I could sense the confusion brought on by delusions, but everything was internal.  There was no outward physicality to grasp.  There were no broken bones, no bandages, no scars. 

          Growing up, my kids always felt comfortable talking to their parents.  We were blessed in this respect and this blessing came to full fruition when Bob became ill.  Rather than hide and turn inward into isolation, Bob was able to talk about what he was experiencing.  It was hard for him, no doubt, but to his credit, he struggled through the difficulties with delusions, concentration and memory and was able to stay somewhat grounded and maybe more importantly, connect to us.

          Bob once said, “I can’t recall what I was going to say (or what someone else said) but it’s on the tip of my tongue . . . thoughts just disappear.”  As an adult with Attention Deficit, I can relate.

          Medication can and has helped tremendously with Bob’s cognitive symptoms, but today, this is the area wherein he struggles the most.  It is extremely frustrating for a writer (again I can relate) if you cannot organize your thoughts.  Not only can you not write as efficiently as you would like, but what of the social implications?  What if I say the wrong thing?  What if I say nothing?  Will I be able to keep up with the conversation?  Maybe it’s better if I just stay at home.

          By talking about it, Bob has been able to come to grips with this disadvantage.  He realizes he may have a limitation, but it does not stop him.  He grinds forward and leans on us for support when needed.  When delusions creep in (which is rare these days), Bob is able to bounce a quick reality check off of us.  He is less ashamed or embarrassed by his “weird thoughts.”  They are another accepted part of his illness.  We discuss them, negate them, and move on.

          Bob does have one grand idea that we promote not as a delusion of grandeur but rather as an inspiration of grandeur.  That is his dream to have a published comic one day.  Despite the symptoms and all the difficulties associated with them, Bob will prevail.

          Most of those symptoms are referred to a “negative,” meaning a lack of energy, motivation or desire to socialize with the outside world.

          What simply breaks my heart is that last area.  The illness often strikes early.  In our case, Bob was 15, a time when you’re forming your social skills, and making friends for life.  We all need friends and to learn the social skills required to interact on a day-to-day basis.  Man is a social animal.

          Due to his circumstances, Bob has become my best friend.  We share the same interests in music, art and photography.  But I would give it back if his friends had stuck by him, if he could have faced his friends without fear and paranoia and embarrassment.

          High school can be cruel but it can also shape one for the rest of their life.  Missing this important part of growing up has had and will have a lasting effect on the rest of Bob’s life, whatever happens with his illness.

          Still, we always will remain hopeful.  Through Bob’s illness we have met many fine folks.  We have been to many a fine place and have enjoyed many a fine experience.  Not all our experiences have been bad.

          To those who have yet to find peace and understanding around schizophrenia, know there is hope. Look for the good in the things around you.”

Schizophrenics Anonymous Support Group meets weekly on Thursdays at 7 p.m. at 1902 North Mockingbird, Room 1.

Kermit F. Klaerner is the executive director of the Mental Health Association in Abilene.  Mental Health Matters is sponsored by the Mental Health Association, phone (325) 673-2300, e-mail mhaa@bitstreet.com.  Need help?  Call the Hope Line (325) 677-7773.